Why Does Church Make Me Feel Drained?

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When I Attended Church Regularly, I Could Barely Get Out of Bed on Monday Mornings.

Monday mornings were the hardest and it was not because I did not like my job.  I went to a pentecostal church and actually found it to be quite fascinating.  So many people needed healing, deliverance and financial breakthroughs.  The church was the hospital and it was filled with sick people, both mentally and physically.  There I was in the midst of it all, not knowing what it was doing to me.

Storytime:  I Decided to Stay Home from Church and Everything Changed – For the Better.  Here’s why I left.

There was a sick little baby at church and he had been in the hospital in a coma.  For decades I’d heard the church people talk about healing.  For decades I saw church people dying and I attended numerous funerals. One of the missionary-evangelists at the church told me that the little boy was a goner.

I responded , “what we bind on earth is bound in heaven and Jesus raised the dead”.

I was told that we could not declare or profess things because it may not be God’s will and then the church leaders would look like liars.

So, if you stand out on faith, the situation has to be almost already resolved? This prompted me to go online to check the stats of spontaneous remissions in hospitals.  I counted the people I’d known over the years who claimed to have been miraculously healed in church, compared to the number of church attendees.  They were the same stats.

The church cowered.

The baby died.

I left.

What Happened When I Left the Church?

I told my husband that I was not going back to that church and I told him I was ready for the truth because the church did not have it.  I was in the middle of the kitchen and I turned around counterclockwise three times and said something like, “I’m ready for truth,” with each counterclockwise turn.  My husband had no idea what was going on and neither did I, but the one thing I did know is the answer was not in church.

That evening I heard a very clear voice that said ‘gnostic mysticism’.   I had no clue what that was and had never heard the term so I looked it up.  Those two words led me to where I am today in logical steps.

Let’s backtrack just a bit:  the following Monday morning after I first stopped attending church, I caught myself singing on the way to work. I had not attended church the day before because I was boycotting their lack of faith and club membership mentality.  I was filled with energy and in a great mood.  I paid closer attention to myself and noticed I was much happier than usual.  Not going to church had been a good decision.

So Why Are You Telling Us This Now?

Yesterday I went back to church at the prompting of a family member.  Basically, they said they had not been to church in a while and missed their friends (the ones who won’t socialize with you if you don’t go to church) so they wanted to see them and asked if I’d go with them.  Most of these so-called friends are immigrants who attribute their escape from 3rd world countries to Christianity. A lot of them have seen what dark spirituality can do to a life so they are afraid of everything else.

I said sure, I’m all for a positive experience.  Besides, church shootings have been going on since my grandpa’s days so that was nothing new.  I’d actually forgotten how church makes me feel.

So I went and during the time of the service where you shake your neighbor’s hand, I noticed many people walking right by me to go to their friends….so rude.

I started coughing in the middle of the service when the a/c came on.  It was like something got into my throat and my eyes started to water.  Then I started to fight sleep because of the preacher’s monotone voice and I had just woke up from a good night’s sleep and had not eaten so there was no reason for me to be sleepy.

I listened to the preacher talk about God’s love, when I KNOW for a fact that Yhwh is a warrior god that derived from Canaanites/Midian and He will kill you like he destroyed the Midianites who introduced him to Moshe.  Most of the doctrine the preacher recited made no sense to me anymore.  It sounded sweet, but was not natural, which is why people have to be indoctrinated into it at a young age, later to find out it is not truth.

How Can the Churches Stop Draining People?

This morning I noticed I was drained.  I remembered having the same feeling from when I’d been to church before.  As I dragged around trying to get to the coffee machine (and I’m a morning person who never does this) I wondered what can churches do to keep their energetic fields from being like blood-sucking vortexes?

I think they should:

• burn sage at the friggin entrance doors
• surround the sanctuary with big pots of clean water — the pots should be fixtures that have drains at the bottom and drain the water after each service
• change the a/c filters and regularly clean the duct work
• open up clinics and counseling centers so sick people can go there or to special rooms to be healed, but not the main sanctuaries
• teach a message of how energy really works, universal truth and light, but stop the mythology and do your religious studies homework

Whatever the church does, they really need to do something because they have become toxic to the world, IMO.

Nontraditionally,

Rev. Renee