What I am about to say is highly controversial, and it is not to say we won’t get to the promise land someday, but we are not there yet.
Humanity is Only a Few Steps Away From Pure Animal.
The DNA proves it. We hear about it all the time in the news. People stealing kids and women like we are still back in the caveman days. People lose their heads sometimes and go into fight or flight — someone ends up dead, however the perpetrator has no clue what really happened because they went black. The church calls it demonic possession, but all is energy so everyone is possessed with something. Continue reading →
Perhaps what Hollywood has done is not a good thing in creating perfect people for us to pattern ourselves after…
The First and Second Deaths
No, I am not talking about the book of The Revelations this time, just regular life and the situations it brings, which actually are sometimes like death. As usual, I’ll start with myself.
Even though I wrote the book Broken Heart (which was about my fourth or fifth death) I can honestly say that now I am in a much better place than where I was then, but I AM still evolving.
Today a situation occurred where my response was slightly over the top and sprinkled with a hint of malice and lack of sympathy. I also posted something on a Facebook page of mine that I am sure had to hurt some people, but the post does not affect me. It does not affect me because I just don’t have strong feelings in that area….but, that in itself bothers me because I am pretty sure that I should.
When I was younger, I had a father in the home, but he wasn’t that great of a dad in my opinion. He has apologized for that, however it is too late now. If anybody in the family reads this, I do not intend for this post to hurt you — I’m just trying to help someone else.
He provided for us as best he could and he stayed in the home, but there was a lack of affection so now as he goes through various illnesses in his old age, I don’t really care like most daughters would, even though many of his not so good qualities were due to the plight of being a black man in America. I mean how can a man be treated like shit all day and come home all hunky dory? I know my feelings seem harsh, but as a Pisces child, I so longed for the love of a father that something in me died when I did not get that love and that place in my heart turned to stone.
The Consequences of Death While Still Alive
Following that, in my quest for love, I sought affection from male love interests and did not make the best choices in my desperation. As a result I suffered and never knew a man’s love because the ones I chose had no clue about how to give it. Consequently, I realized too late that something had gone horribly wrong…..or maybe it went right, depending on how you look at it.
The things that hurt us most will definitely change us and we’ll eventually stop hurting if we allow ourselves to go through these things. If you were sexually or physically abused as a child, treated harshly by a spouse, bullied as a youngster, ridiculed for your sexual orientation, made fun of due to your religious beliefs, or experienced anything that left you feeling destroyed, you may have risen from that situation realizing you had changed or hardened in some way.
That change is okay and actually is normal because we all must go through various metamorphoses to get to our end result, I mean who eats vanilla ice cream and birthday cake batter? The batter must go through the change of becoming a cake!
I have good news for you — it’s okay that you are not the 1970s Hollywood dad or mom, but you do have a responsibility to file down the jagged edges of the newly quarried jewel that you still refer to as your heart. If as a result of the experiences you endured you are depressed, angry, bitter, evil, etc., please fix this. The same way you were broken, you need to develop a plan to be put back together again, perhaps differently, but in such a way that you can still positively impact others and like the feelings that it brings.
What Can I Do to Fix My Twisted Heart?
I am not a psychologist, but I will say that in addition to getting therapy from someone who is licensed to provide it, the following may help:
Hang around people who do not have the same issues as you. You can help each other and they can teach you to see things in a better light (from their healthier point of view) and ‘lend’ you some of their heart in the area where yours was stolen.
Carefully select the media that you feed into your senses, because it should be wealthy as opposed to poor — and by wealthy I mean, nothing missing, nothing lacking and nothing broken. Too much gangsta rap, porn, gushing blood and gore films, etc., can cause callousness of the heart and indifference. It’s okay to watch this type stuff every once in a while, but do all things in moderation and balance.
Make a decision to love and practice it by putting yourself in a place where you can see and feel how the love you provide nurtures and is needed and appreciated. You need to reap its rewards early for positive reinforcements in order that you can re-learn to dwell in it.
I wrote the song below when I finally experienced true care from someone, who helped to rebuild my brokenness. Hopefully it will help you to.
Song: “Everything’s Alright Now” by Colette Renee with music by smoothbeatsonly.com
As you all know, my life is a series of spiritual experiences and for this, I am very grateful. The moth that is depicted on this post visited me recently and the untouched picture on its wings reminded me of who I am….a queen…
The Woman in the Candle Shop (True Story)
Yesterday I had the awesome opportunity of visiting one of my favorite candle shops to pick up trinkets and supplies. When I arrived at the shop, there was a sign on the door that said the shop was closed for a few hours. I was sorely disappointed as I had driven quite a ways and to my wondering eyes, a woman appeared to unlock the door. I mentioned to her that I thought the shop was closed and she said, “Not for you.”
A young black woman came in right after me and was staring at me as the mystic behind the counter dressed my candles and we raved about Oschun. I did not pay the young lady any attention because people are always looking at me like there is something odd about your sistar!
The mystic behind the counter stopped talking to me and turned to the woman and asked her why she was crying. I had not even noticed because I was so engrossed in my conversation. The young woman then turned to me and said, “I want ‘you’ to help me.”
I looked at her and probably looked a bit confused since there was a very capable woman who was working behind the counter and who had even taught me some stuff. The young lady began to tell us about a problem that she was having leaving someone that she realized she needed to let go of. The gist of my message to her was, “Baby, you don’t need magick. You just gotta love yourself.”
Some years ago, I wrote the book Broken Heart, which you can find on this page in the right sidebar. The book started out as a journal that I wrote in during times where I could hardly breathe from the pain — somehow the writing soothed the discomfort of my heart. I had gone through an awful betrayal with someone who knew better, but who was not empowered to do better. In order to save my soul, I began writing, until a blog turned into a book recording the first few months after a devastating heartbreak and how I survived it. I make no apologies about what I wrote in the book because it was what it was.
The Actual Message from the Universe
Today I was thinking about the experience and I realized that the young lady was not just speaking for herself, she was the voice of all of the young women who had made the wrong choices in a mate and who, because of their intense love, was finding it hard to let go of a futile situation.
I write in the book about one particular situation where I literally felt I would die from the pain, however instantaneously a swift wind came into my basement room and removed the intensity of it and I have never since felt that type of pain again. Perhaps the entity that visited me that night left me a little medicine for you too, which I have done my best to infuse into the book and a song.
I felt like singing today and what came out was what I consider to be the theme song to the book Broken Heart. You may download this song, free for a limited time, if it encourages you……please note you will be asked to join my mailing list to receive the download, but I promise to always encourage you and I do not send emails often, perhaps monthly. If you do not want to join the list, you can still listen to the music.
Also, keep in mind that the free download is for a limited time only, but I do hope that it does help someone who needs the strength to let go! If your heart is loved and healed, please forward the song to someone who is not as fortunate as you.