dorianThis is just a personal journal entry and introspection about some things that I don’t see about myself.  Yes, it’s true.  Fat people REALLY do not know how fat they are.  Selfish people have no idea how selfish they are.  Snotty people feel totally justified in being snotty.  Therefore I cannot see the bad things about myself unless I look at the people that I attract…..

A Stark Realization

(Pull out the harps and violins) Throughout my life, I have found that mean people are the ones who really love well.  They will fight for you at the risk of losing all friends because they don’t have any anyway and are use to being alone.  They will tell you the truth at the risk of losing your friendship because they are use to being friendless.  They are real because they scare the fake people away.  Some of my best friends have been people that I did not like at first glance.

Conversely, the people that I attract most are the overly friendly crowd.  Based on what I have experienced with these charismatics, this tells me that I am apparently a bit fake in how I interact with people.  Apparently I am not honest with myself about my feelings so I cannot be honest with you and may discuss things you and I have talked about with others.  No, you did not tell me what you said was in confidence, but I know it was.

Since I attract this type I obviously weasel my way into your lives for some selfish purpose, even if it is just to find fame and fortune.  Perhaps I should discontinue this blog since its only purpose should be to help others even if it is only 12 people.  Hmmmm.

I am a Hider and a Manipulator

Apparently, I manipulate and hide behind situations so that I can elevate my own purposes because this is the type of person that I attract.  I would have never thought this about myself however it is obviously the case.  When I look deeply, I do keep my eyes open for opportunities at advancement and recognition — I mean who does not want to be a celebrity right?  Is it not a waste to be a celebrity when you would rather no one know your name?  I must check my motives and veer away from anything that purposely brings the limelight.

Who Gives Their All to Save the Poor?

I thought I was a giver because I have given to many people and seen the law of reaping and sowing active in my life.  Unfortunately, I attract a lot of selfish people and you know what that means.  Yep, I am selfish.  I decided to look more deeply into it and the selfish people I know will do things for their moms, children and selves.  Sometimes they will do things for that ‘wow factor’ person that they want as arm candy.  Man oh man, I do that too and I thought I was not selfish since I gave to someone else.  Do I give to my children out of guilt or because I do  not want them to abandon me in my older age?  Probably so.  And who doesn’t love their mom?  I mean she is the first person that most people give to so she does not really count.  Yep, I am selfish.  I must learn to give just because…when there is no reason or opportunity or desire for that person to return back to me what I have given to them.

Take a Deeper Look

Really look at the people that are around you — even the people you work with.  All is energy and the energy that we attract to ourselves says a lot about who we are.

I think this is enough to swallow for now.

RT