My brief history of the Jews, is my own hypothesis, however the synopsis of the Book of the Revelation is as it is written. Okay, let’s get started…

Where Did the People We Know Of Today as Jews Come From? Again, This is my Hypothesis!

In Iran, which was previously called Persia, near current day Turkmenistan along the Caspian sea was a tribe of sheep herders and those who some would call marauders, who lived in a place called Hyrcania, thousands of years before the Roman empire. These people had a dynasty and a lineage of kings and a tribe of priests, just like most people of that time. They lived just south of the Caucasus Mountains below Russia. Hyrcania was also called Verkana, which means Wolf Land, and it was a beautiful, choice and militarily strategic piece of property lined by the sea, however the kingdom was switching hands, with more powerful new kings vying for the role of leader of the world so when Darius of Persia came into power, revolts broke out.

The rest of this portion of history is my hypothesis so I guess it’s herstory.  This tribe of Hyrcanian priests and kings were driven out of their lands in current day Iran, and moved down into Susu, which some call Shusah, which some say the term Jew came from, but I don’t know. They were eventually driven down into Ur out of Persia and through modern day Iraq into the lands of Edom and Moab, where black people were at that time.  While in Ur, an ancestor named Ibrihim or Abraham was moved to leave Ur and to travel to the area near where Edom and Moab are just south of modern day Israel and which would now be considered as Southern Israel/Jordan.  He had twelve sons and being a nomadic group, migrated to the land near Canaan (also modern day Israel).  Over the course of hundreds of years, they ended up in the land of Kemet or Egypt, where they lived, possibly as servants.  The leader of their priestly group, Moshe or Moses, was adopted by an Egyptian princess when the children of the tribe were under threat of being killed.  After Moses grew up, he saw someone trying to kill one of his fellow tribesman and he killed that Egyptian.  Moses ran away, lived amongst the Midianites (Midian was a land south of Edom), who were black, married one of their priest/landowner’s daughters and had an encounter with the god of that land who saw something in this group and told Moses, he wanted to be their god.

This is where I go weird. I think the Adam/Eve story and the Abraham / Sarah story and Abraham being god’s friend is all made up.  I personally think this Ywh was some Annunaki reject who was living in the mountains near Hebron.  He told them he would assist them with getting the lands of Canaan, current day Israel, if they became his people, possibly because he had been kicked out by his Annunaki cousins.

Moses agreed, and I personally think, the non-priestly and Levitic portions of this group, became the western caucasians we know today, which is why there is such an interest in Israel, by Europeans and Americans, where some of this tribe now resides and who consider Israel as their religious capital.

Moses, after making a pact with this god, goes to where his people are, which we call Egypt, which at that time was Kemetic or Black, and Ywh assists Moses, magickally, with striking plagues on the Kemites.  This ancient Persian, nomadic, priest group is thrown out of Kemet, and they begin a siege to take over Canaan, eventually becoming successful.  You can read the rest of the story in the bible, which is basically an ancient history of a caucasian tribe from Iran.

Pressing forward, as time goes on a faction breaks out within this Jewish group, while they are under Roman rule, and this faction has a school of teaching, which is a bit more mystical than their ancient teachings and the traditional Jews reject it.  There are messianic prophecies in this tribe about a leader who will save them from all their ills.  This new group, led by a man known as Iesous (Jesus), says their leader is that saviour and hundreds of years later this gets the attention of Constantine the new Roman and world leader, after Jesus is put to death for blasphemy because the traditional Jews say the sect is full of crap.

By this time, all of the black people are driven out of Kemet (Egypt), Moab, and Edom, by groups moving from the north and northeast.  These black groups move into Sudan, and middle and western Africa, where they are today.  Some people say the Black Moabites or Hebrews are current day African Americans, which displeased Ywh in some way, which is why he dumped them.  I don’t know.

Constantine, the new world ruler, about 325 years after Jesus dies (in current times that would be the year 2340), realized that his kingdom would never work without a unified belief system.  He takes bits of the religions of Kemet, Sumer, Judea and calls a meeting and creates a spiritual system called Christianity, which the traditional Jews reject and pay dearly for.  Constantine’s invited bishops vote to make Jesus a god.

Anybody in the Roman kingdom who did not like the new world order Christian religion had to deal with the Crusader army that was put in place to enforce it.

Now to the ultimate book of the Christians, which outlines what will happen to those who do NOT accept the religion, even though Ywh did not really endorse it either. But who cares, Rome did.

What is the Book of the Revelation?

It is a book about the Christian End of Days, which outlines what will happen to those who do not accept Jesus as Christ, as mentioned above.

Who Wrote the Book?

A guy named John or in the Hebrew version, Ioannes, who may have been a Jewish apostle or another John, however the name John is of Hebrew origin and every last Catholic Pope that has ever existed has the same name.

Exactly Where Did John Write the Book?

John was on an isle in Greece called Patmos.  This isle has been inhabited since 2000 BC and in 3 BC it became an Acropolis or City, even though some Christians teach the isle was deserted in 29 AD when John wrote the book.

Why was John There?

Apparently this place was like Alcatraz where, according to some Christian teachers, it was NOT an Acropolis, but a deserted island for prisoners who were sent there to starve and die.  However, apparently John, had paper and pen when he was sent there and also a mail service to get the letters out to the seven churches he was writing to.

How Does the Revelation Begin?

John starts off by saying the people who pierced Jesus, along with everyone else, would see Jesus coming in the clouds.  While on the isle on the Sabbath day, he heard Jesus tell him to write a book and mail it off to seven Asian churches (in the vicinity of Greece at that time).

  1. Jesus tells Ephesus that he likes the fact that they don’t like fake apostles and Nicolaitans because he hates them also.  The Nicolaitans thought pagan practices could be mixed with Christianity.  The Catholic church was trying to get rid of paganism so Jesus hated Nicolaitans.
  2. Jesus tells the Smyrnans that even though they are poor, they are really rich and will soon go to prison for 10 days, but not to worry about it because he would give them a crown of life.
  3. Jesus tells Pergamos they live with Satan, but are still Christians so that’s good. Pergamos was a village in Cyprus, Greece where the islamic Turks live.  I guess Jesus via the catholic church was saying muslims are the devil.  Wow.  Jesus also tells Pergamos they like paganism too much like the Nicolaitans and if they continue, he will kill them.
  4. Jesus tells Thyatira (a Turkish Greek City)  that they are good people, except they have a female pagan priestess and he was going to make her sick and kill all of her children! Yes, Jesus supposedly said this.
  5. Jesus tells Sardis they are dead and only a few of them are alive.  Sardis is considered by some to be the home of modern currency due to their work with metals.
  6. Jesus tells Philadelphia they are the good ones and won’t have to deal with the trials and tests that come on the world (except for the fake Jews).  This place is now called Alasehir in Turkey and they were allies of Rome.  Their king bequeathed the city to Rome when he died.  Oh that explains it.
  7. Jesus tells Laodicea that they don’t care one way or the other and he was spitting them out of his mouth. These people were part of the Byzantine Empire with Corinth and Thessalonica. They practiced polytheism at the time of the writing of the Revelation.

What Happened After Jesus Addressed the Greek Churches?

After these messages, John astral projected to heaven with Jesus to see some visions.  God had seven spirits that were half animal (even though Christianity has a monogamous trinity — that is suppose to be funny) and there were other elders there, as well.  Everybody was crying because no person in heaven was good enough to open the books, not even God.  But Jesus could do it.

When the seals were opened, John saw white, red, black and pale horses.  Kind of reminds me of the color of people.

The guy on a white horse had a crown and he could conquer EVERYBODY, but of course. The guy on the red horse, took away everybody’s peace and made people kill each other.  The guy on the black horse had scales for weighing and selling things, and the pale horse was Death with Hades and he was given power to kill with the sword, hunger, death and beasts — sounds like an international organization that I know….just kidding.  Keep in mind Death is given this power in Heaven — it will come back on him in the end.

Some more seals were opened, which basically announced a bunch of destruction of people on earth along with destruction of a third of the trees and ALL GREEN GRASS (this is important).

So then these 4 angels came to finish the job, but first they had to stamp 144,000 Jewish people on their foreheads so they would not be touched.  Damn everybody else, except you could get in the big group of saved worshippers of Jesus who will never be in the sun’s heat again, and is a number that no man can number (keep that in mind, also).

More Destruction!

So then there was more destruction with fire and earthquakes and scorpion-like locusts (with women’s hair) EXCEPT the locusts could not touch grass or trees, just people who don’t have seals, which means if you are not an Israeli, you are a goner??? Nope.  The locusts can only torment you with stings, but you can’t die, and I guess some of the grass from the last paragraph grew back because all of it was destroyed in the previous chapter — oh well, nobody reads the Revelation anyway.

So everybody’s tormented except for the Israeli’s and people who are part of the big Jesus worshipping group (even though traditional Jews don’t worship Jesus).  Oh and the locust have a king who’s name means Destruction.

Then a large army is released and a third of everyone on earth is killed.  But some people who don’t die still refuse to worship Jesus.  I guess they don’t feel pain.

Now these are some stubborn people like me.  These people did not repent of murders they committed, but I guess neither did that army that was after them.

The Thunderous Angel

So after all those people were killed a huge angel, with a rainbow over his head, stood on water and land and he had a voice like thunderous lions and he had this little book.  John asked for the book and ate it. It tasted like honey, but it gave him a tummy ache.

Taking Measurements

Then John gets a ruler to measure the church, but not the outside yard where non-Christians will continue to be destroyed.  How will they be destroyed?  Two prophets will be sent with the power to obliterate these people, however the prophets will also be killed in the same city that Jesus was killed by a beast from a bottomless pit and then everyone that doesn’t worship Jesus will have a party because the prophets were so mean to them, but guess what?

After three days, the prophets come back to life (because people were partying so hard they forgot to bury them) and even though the prophets hurt and killed a lot of people, they get to go to Heaven (because they’re the good Jews) and when they leave earth an earthquake kills about 7,000 people and THEN the people decide to worship Jesus.  NOW there’s a party in heaven, but there’s one more little issue.

The Woman who Births A King

A woman has a baby and the baby is suppose to be a fierce ruler, but a seven headed dragon wants to kill him so God sends the baby to daycare in heaven.  Seriously.  But the mom can’t go so God sends her to the woods to feed her for 1,260 days.

While she is eating in the woods, and the baby is in heaven’s kindercare, Michael the Archangel makes war with the dragon and they have the fight in heaven????  Yep — John is all over the place.

So the dragon is given a name, the Devil, and he gets kicked out of Heaven with his army and he goes after that lady in the woods who had the baby……the baby that is in heaven’s kindercare.  So the dragon (who is suppose to spit fire) vomits water on the lady and tries to drown her, but she grows wings and gets away.  Then he is really mad and the earth opens up and she hides there, which makes the dragon really, really mad, but good news.  She has more kids, who happen to be Christians so the dragon goes after them.  Makes sense, right?

The Dragon’s Reign and His Employees

So the dragon has a couple of other beasts that rise up from the sea and earth and the one from the earth, who is like a ruling prophet, makes war with Christians and makes everybody get seals in order to buy and sell stuff.  He can do magick and he is said to have a number of 666, however the original Greek alphabet used in this set of numbers  was obsolete by the time the bible was translated so it can’t be properly interpreted….meaning we are not really sure what it means, but we’ll just say 666 — nobody reads the Revelation anyway. Some say the actual Greek translation is Nero Caesar.  He is said to have dipped Christians in oil and set them on fire at night…….. so he could see!

He was ruler when one of many conflicts started with Jews in 66 AD and is, as I mentioned earlier, known for tormenting Christians.  Apostles Peter and Paul are said to have been killed under his reign. Nero was adopted by his distant Uncle so that the former ruler could have an heir, and it is apparent that Nero had a bit of attachment disorder with a hint of pyromania, but I digress.

Virgin Jews

So John continues on with his tale (which we can’t tell if it’s past, present, future or all three) and sees the 144,000 people from Israel again, and this time he says they are virgins. They appear to become more pious as the tale progresses.  An angel makes an announcement that anyone who worships that beast is going to hell, but if they refuse the beast and he kills them, they go to heaven.

Suddenly John’s vision changes and the earth becomes like a vineyard for making wine and the angels begin to reap the harvest, but instead of getting grape juice… guessed it, more blood.

Now the multitude that follows this 144k comes up again….you know, the one that no man can number, but this time they are an orchestra and while they sing and play instruments, on what appears to be a floor made of crystal, 7 more plagues are unleashed….on everybody else.  I wonder if John was high.

More Plagues

These plagues are worse than the others because men get sores (kinda like Ebola) and every last single creature who lives in the sea dies and there is no more water.  No oceans, streams, rivers, creeks……just blood to drink.

This pisses the dragon off (even though he can puke water) and the people get mad also and curse God.  So the dragon heads off to Armageddon for the final conflict…..after he pukes frogs, this time, but nobody is going to be there to fight him because they are not ready yet.  Also, all the islands and mountains go away so I guess there is just one piece of land left on earth (based on the way this story is going so far, probably not).

The Thirsty Whore

So angels stop with all the bloody water and ask John to come with them so they can show him a whore who happens to live on the water, which should now be blood.  This whore rides a beast and she wears colors like purple and red, but also likes jewelry.

She is the mother of all whores and drinks the blood of the saints when they die.  Now her riding beast has seven heads and ten horns, so apparently some of his heads have one or two horns and some don’t have any horns, or maybe there are some horns with no heads (wait, I refuse to get confused).  It probably doesn’t matter because I’m sure soon there will be more destruction so there will be no heads or horns!  And in case you haven’t noticed, these beasts and kings are lands and people that the good Jews don’t like, which most likely makes them muslim.

Now the heads on the whore’s beast are 7 kings and 7 mountains and the horns are 10 more kings and they will all war against Jesus or Christianity aka the good Jews.  The water that the whore is sitting on represents people from all over the world, but the ‘horn’ kings hate the whore so they strip off her clothes, eat her and burn her too, even though the woman is the one world order capital city???? Okay.  Apparently the city is called Babylon (current day Iraq/Syria area — totally no surprise here).

Then another angry angel comes down and curses Babylon for being the city of demons and unclean birds — not people, birds. So the angel gets really mad and throws a big millstone into the sea and says the whore / woman / city and her friggin birds will be just like that millstone. Does this angel sound like anybody you know from Texas?

Now the King of Kings Can Get Married

So once the angel curses the woman they have a worship service in heaven and Jesus gets on a white horse and prepares to get married….to the earth.  An angel stands in the middle of the sun and invites birds (clean birds, I gather) to the wedding reception, but guess who’s coming to dinner?

Not you because if you don’t accept Jesus Christ, YOU ARE DINNER!

Time for War…..Again

When everyone who doesn’t accept Jesus finds out they are bird food, they decide to go to war with Jesus, but unfortunately the dragon’s beast leader and his 666 cohort is sent to hell so all the kings and people who don’t accept Jesus die and the clean birds have a flesh feast!

But where is the dragon?

There he is!  The angels catch him and lock him up for a thousand years, but after that he can get parole.  During his time in prison, all of the Christians have a wonderful time reigning with Jesus, but apparently, during this 1,000 year period, the Christians must have kids that don’t like Jesus because when the dragon gets out of prison he is going to get more people on his side.  Remember, all his other people were eaten at the wedding reception, right?

Wait, One More War!

So the dragon takes his new followers to the Christian’s capital city and surrounds the followers of Jesus.

What do you think will happen next?

You are incorrect!

No more angels…..this time God himself comes down and barbecues them. Finally the dragon/satan/devil and his beast and king/prophet go to hell to burn forever throughout all eternity for more than a gazillion years cubed.

Final Judgement

Now that the wars are over, all of the dead are judged.  Death, who apparently is a person who held dead people in specific locations on land and in the sea turns everyone over to be judged and he (Death) along with his holding locations and all non-Christians are placed in hell for the remainder of eternity, to include murderers who do not work for Jesus (cause the murderers who work for Jesus and the Catholic church go to heaven).  I’m not sure what Death did wrong when he was given his power from Heaven in the first place to DO his job, but his going to hell along with all non-Christians is called the second death.

Christian Nirvana

Once all the bad people, dragons, beasts, 666 kings, etc. are in torment……..forever, God gives heaven and earth a makeover. He sends down the new city of Jerusalem and personally wipes everyone’s tears away.  God closes up shop in heaven, moves to Jerusalem with the Christians, however there may be a line to get into this new city because the number of people, that no man can number, can only get in through one of 12 gates, which are named after the 12 sons of Isaac that hail from near Ur by way of the Caspian Sea (Iran).

Also, Christians, be prepared for overcrowding because the city, which will have to hold a number that no man can number, includes all of the Christians that have ever lived, and will be only about 1/5 the size of Africa and is smaller than Australia and everybody will eat fruit from about 12 trees.

Christians, there’s your religion.  Good luck.